# Emotionally Unstable #

Buduh arr...buduh buduh buduh !~

Eeeeeeeeeee gerammmmm !~

AKU TAK SUKA..AKU BENCI..AKU MELUAT..AKU MENYAMPAH..AKU RASA TAK BOLEH BERSABAR LAGI !!!!! U'RE JUST TOO MUCH !!!!!

YES, aku sedang memberontak dlm hati sebab aku tak boleh nak ckp face2face.

I feel like taking a gun and put it to that person's head..get it over with but I don't want to do this..

But I feel so alive
I can't help myself, don't you realize

I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and runaway yeah
I just want to fall and lose myself
Laughing so hard it hurts like hell
Forget about everything and runaway yeah

So So is how I'm doing if you're wondering
I'm in a fight with the world but I'm winning
Stay there come closer it's at your own risk

Yeah you know how it is life can be a bitch

THIS IS HOW LIFE CAN BE A BITCH

# Special Entry for Luvly Roomate #

Hew Hew Hew !~

This entry is purposely dedicated to my beloved roomate ^_^ chumel kn dia ~ ngeh ngeh ngeh. Nama dia Shahirah Mohd Nor. Single mingle jingle bell lg (promote cket). Seperti tertera di dlm gmbr..Penyergah Berjaya, ha title itu sgt sgt sgt lah sesuai ok. Isk Isk Isk. Jantung aku asyik tkejut je dok ngn minah ni. Memula cam pendiam tp skrg die dh ketemui kelemahan aku. Damn ~ That's not good for health ! Ahahahahaha

Beberapa sergahan yg aku ingat la kan, latestnye ptg td time aku ketip kuku kt balkoni bilik. Punya la khusyuk aku ketip kuku skali rs cam ada benda lembut2 masuk baju. Mau tak culture shock aku...getah ikat rambut die masukkan dlm baju aku. Lembut2 mcm tu..aku dh pikir lain. Bunguks ni !~ Die dh gelak-gelak..full of satisfaction. Adeih. Ye la, lately ni bilik kami asyik dikejutkan dgn cicak-cicak besar yg boleh dicincang-cincang buat daging beger kasi rumet mkn..Muahahahaha.

Before ni dia suke kejutkan aku time aku kuar g toilet. Time aku nk masuk bilik balik mesti die dh plan nk kejutkan kt memane, either blakang pintu or tepi tangga or kekdg kat toilet pun die pulun nk kejutkan aku. Haih !~ Kena la plak aku mmg jenis yg cepat tkejut tapi effect nak jerit lambat 30 second. Ahahahaha. Pe lagi gelak besar die suke sbb dpt menterperanjatkan aku. Tapi ade skali aku g amek air and tetibe aku dh terpikir utk berhati-hati. Ahahaha. Aku jalan masuk bilik slow-slow. Aku tgk tepi tangga, die dh dok terkekeh-kekeh tahan gelak !~ Wah ha ha. Mission failed ^_^ Yes !!!

Skrg ni mmg kepala otak aku dh otomatik akan be careful sepjg masa. Hahahaha. Mane taknye kan..aku tgh mandi khusyuk-khusyuk pun leh tkejut ngn die. Dok jerit nama aku tetibe. Itu belom time tgk movie sesame dlm bilik citer hantu. Sengal tak sengal sgt la kn, mmg sengal !~ Parah ni..Seb baek jantung masih di tahap yg normal dan sehat wala'fiat. Part yg bestnye pas aku tkejut tu kami akan gelak sepuas-puasnya. That's why I love you rumet ^_^ Actually rumet lama pun sama. Yg tu extra pulun smpi sembunyi selipar dlm bilik. Punya bersemangat nk kejutkan aku. Ayoiyoii =)) Nama dia Noor Farhana Ahmad Husaini atau Ms. B. Hahaha :P She's single but not available.

Haih Haih Haih...tu la ceritenye gerangan rumet-rumetku. Tapi aku sgt happy dgn mereka. Ken Lee (can't live) without them. Ken Lee Ken Lee. Ahahahaha :)) Sila browse kt u-tube kenapa aku guna Ken Lee. Hanya itu utk arini. Mau setelkan byk keje yg tak setel-setel.

-chow chin chow-

Da-Da

# It's Time to Enjoy d' Weekend #

Hello Hello Kopi ke Milo !~ ^_^

Week 3 has settled down already. Jadual sem ni not too pack but Monday is a very tiring day for me. Class started at 9 to 12 and my consultation for FYP with my supervisor at 12 till 1. I just have break between 1 to 2 and d' class continued from 2 till 7 pm. HUH !!! extremely tired OK. Paling memenatkan kelas kol 4 smpi 7 tu la sbb time tu kelas co-co dan aku amek badminton utk co-co. Pukul 4 kena rush g court badminton. This week dh start practical class. Ayoiyoii mmg marvellous ar strecthing for d 1st hour tu. Bergegar urat-urat satu badan ni ha especially otot-otot perut + tangan + kaki. Perghhh gigil-gigil badan aku pastu sbb aku tak sempat jamah secebis makanan pun dari kol 9 sampai 4 tu. Mmg semput la gak, seb baek last week ade ikut farah g hiking bear hill. At least aku dh warm up cket. Takde la terkezuttt sgt, tapi best la. Rasa cam fit cket...ceewahh :P Hopefully by d end of dis trimester I will be losing 10kg. Hahaha...lebih la tu !~ Impossible. At least 5 pun ok la. Kurus cket :D. It just for Monday la, coz ari lelain ade 1-2 kelas je. Friday free whole day.

I'm taking 6 subjects this sem. 2 subjek aku repeat sbb nak upgrade pointer. Result sem lepas sgt menggembirakan and it's really motivates me to try my best for my final sem. Almost dean list and worth it la sbb aku dok pulun buat FYP smpi bersengkang mata tak tido. At last, dpt A- utk FYP. Alhamdulillah. Tak expect pun coz tajuknye agak mencabar kesabaran la nk cari previous research paper smpi aku dh rasa give up sgt. Kena marah ngn supervisor lagi. Tapi tu la kan, susah-susah dahulu senang-senang kemudian ^_^. Aku ckp kt Mdm Mazni (SV) aku bajet dpt B+ je. She said, i read yours and it's quite good, u deserve that mark (tersenyum kejap..full of satisfaction). Thank You Mdm !~ Ihihihihihi.

Jadinye, diharapkan 2 subjek yg aku repeat tu leh bantu upgrade pointer. FYP 2, I'm praying for the best grade again this sem sbb 4CH so sgt membantu naikkan pointer. For badminton, most of my seniors ckp agak senang nk score and my coach pun ade inform most of his previous students dpt A- for d subject. Another 2 subjects, utk permulaan ni agak ok tp kene fokus lebih cket sbb Strategic Management byk case study. HR Info. Sys. lak kene master salary calculation to pass d subject. Assignment agak tough for both subject tapi takpe sbb my group members sumenye berdedikasi ^_^ Bersatu teguh bercerai roboh. Tetibe ~ Ahahaha..

Apa-apa pun aku mmg dh bersedia utk sem ni and bersedia utk final result jgk. Huhuhu. Leave out all d rest. Must have confidence in urself. You can do it. Just go on with the flow. Don't felt regret with d past, it's not worth it. Always believe in a second chance (",)

Insya-Allah esok kalo takde aral melintang, aku + rumet tersyg (suke sergah aku..naughty gurl ar u) + farah + uyah nak kuar tgk movie sama-sama. Aku nak tgk Geng d Movie tp my rumet dh tgk dlu. Dia nk tgk citer Benjamin Button. Aku pun nk tgk citer tu gak. Hisk...tak kire kene tgg aku tgk Geng dlu pastu baru tgk Benjamin Button. Movie Marathon..weee ~~~

Malam ni kene sleep tight tight ok for d movie marathon tomorrow. Wah ha ha ~ Got to go la..mau pigi mandi. Nnt update lagi okeh !

p/s : rumet aku dok gelak ngn title blog aku ! blasah karang..nk berpuitis skali-skale pun takleh..aku sedang memartabatkan bahasa melayu yg indah ni :P nmpk klasik cket..ahakssss ~ OKDADIAM

-chow chin chow-

Da-Da

# Being Independent #

This entry is not to blame + mock anybody. Just for the sake of learning and taking it as a lesson. Well, we're human and we're not PERFECT !~ definitely.

Independent..what does it means? The capability of standing alone and do things on your own effort. But, somehow we still need to depend on other person in some situations. I can't deny that,me as well in certain times need somebody to depend upon. Still, I always said to myself to learn to be independent. Seek help only when I really need it.

Actually aku bengang ngan sumone sbb buat perkara yg tak patut dibuat. Penat strecthing smlm pun tak abis lagi, ada plak yg nk tlng strecth tmbh kepala otak aku. Haihhh ! I'm not sure either I should felt annoyed or not but as a girl I think it's quite irrelevant for guys. If the reason is u're shy, huh for me I can't accept. In this case,the thing is just simple. I'd gave the contact but u're not even do anything for that. At least, add the person (ID ym was given) and tell something. I don't mind to get it for you whether I'm busy or not BUT, the sms i'd received before HRIS class today really made me felt very angry. I'm receiving instruction for the thing that u're the person that should do it actually. NOT ME. I did my part. See, bile aku marah english aku mmg terbaek ar (utk aku la : ignore d' grammar).

Since I'm not in a good mood today, just take note of the consequences. Bkn sbb moody sgt pun senarnye coz i'd had a very nice sleep last night. SMS tu yg sgt tak boleh diterima. Kena plak time tu aku tgh buat salary calculation utk HRIS nye kelas kol 2. Mmg bengang sgt-sgt la. Serious ! Simple thing pun tak leh nak handle sendiri. Susah la.Ok, maybe small matter tapi benda yg kecik tu la kekdg kene take it seriously coz we're learning from that actually. Aku yang pompuan ni pun leh survive. Bkn nak bangga diri ke ape. Dulu aku pun teruk jgk. Takde la independent mane pun. Tapi lama-lama aku cam pikir, sampai bile nak depend ngn orang lain. Selagi benda tu leh survive sorang-sorang n tak memerlukan any help, buat je sendiri. Zaman dah berubah. Have to be INDEPENDENT.

At the same time, my rumet pun kena condition yg lebih kurang sama. Dia pun bengang dgn grupmate laki die. International student. Ktorg dh sgt enjoy d' weekend dok gelak-gelak happy-happy even dok bilik je and tetibe bengang pn sama-sama. Same time. Ahahahaha. Aku ckp kt rumet aku..kenape laki zaman skrg ni mcm tak leh nak independent ar, takde inisiatif sendiri utk dapatkan sumting or whatever la. My junior pun ade citer hal yg lebih kurang sama jgk pasal member laki dorg. Eeeee ! I hate dat type of guy.Tapi, it's unfair to say that all guys are like that. Some of them je la. Not all OK !

Sorry la if ada yg terasa. This is my blog so I'm free to write anything. I think, I don't care !~ Coz when I did care of people, they're taking advantage sometimes. SO ??? Why should I??? haha. Ini pun kire baik aku tak gune bahasa kesat. Ikutkan hati nak aje tapi takpe. I'm learning to control it.

-chow chin chow-

Da-da

# PHD = perasaan hasad dengki #

Seperti biasa, sekadar renungan. Tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup mahupun yang telah meninggal dunia.

Apa itu hati? Segumpal darah yang tuhan ciptakan untuk menyayangi, mengasihi, bersangka baik dan ikhlas dalam perbuatan. Keikhlasan datang bersama hati yang suci bersih. Niat bermula dari dalam hati. Solat pun kita niat dalam hati. Kalau hati tak bersih, apa yang kita buat mesti jadi tak ikhlas. Niat pun akan jadi tak baik. Mulalah perasaan hasad dengki. Tak senang duduk tengok hidup orang lain. Macam cacing kepanasan. Hati tu penuh dengan dengki khianat. Perasaan tu diseru pulak dengan bisikan syaitan untuk menzahirkan apa yang dipendam. Bila tak kuat iman, jadilah macam-macam perkara tak elok. Bergaduh sesama sendiri disebabkan perasaan hasad dengki.

Buang-buang la perasaan buruk macam tu. Jangan disimpan sifat mazmumah macam tu dalam diri. Buat jadi kawan syaitan je. Tingkatkan amal ibadat moga dikuatkan iman dan taqwa. Itu bekal untuk ke syurga. Tak guna kalo hari-hari solat lima waktu + baca quran khatam berkali-kali tapi hati tak bersih, niat tak baik, ada syak wasangka buruk dalam diri. Perasaan hasad dengki tu cuma jadi bekal kalau nak masuk neraka je. Nau’zubillahiminazzaliq.

Lidah mewakili zahir,hati mewakili batin.Jadi untuk memiliki batin yang suci lagi bersih,kenalah sucikan zahir dulu.Imam Ghazali pernah berkata "tidaklah Allah memberatkanmu dengan amal ibadat melainkan untuk menyucikan dirimu"

" didalam tubuh anak adam ada seketul daging, jika ia bersih, maka baiklah keseluruhannya, jika kotor, maka akan kotorlah keseluruhannya"

Gunakan hati untuk berbuat baik pada orang lain, bukan sebaliknya. Hidup kat dunia ni tak lama. Masa yang ada tak memberi jaminan Al-Jannah kat sana nanti.

p/s: tapi kalo nak amek PhD., itu dialu-alukan. Ehehehehe.

Renung-renungkan dan selamat beramal ^_^

-chow chin chow-

Da-Da

# Al-Fatihah #

Fatimah al-Zahra..manis wajah seindah nama yg diberi, telah pergi meninggalkan keluarganya buat selama-lamanya di awal usia menjangkau 13 tahun (!_!).

Insan yang dimaksudkan kt atas ni anak kpd sedara aku. Aku dpt berita ni mlm semlm pas call mak tanya result x-ray ayah aku. Terkejut aku ! Mane la nak sangka kan..muda-muda dah meninggal. Then aku tanya la mak meninggal sebab ape.

Aku : sakit apa mak?

Mak : sakit jantung katanya tapi kak anum(ibu arwah) tak tau yg dia sakit..meninggai kat sekolah.

Aku : laaa, yaka? sakit jantung...hmm, kesiannya ~ muda lagi kan anak kak anum tu.

Mak : baru tingkatan 1.

Aku : dia sakit masa dekat sekolah ka?

Mak : kak anum crita, dia tak mau p sekolah ari meninggai tu..dia kata dia tak larat. kak anum kata kalo tak larat takpa la, tak payah p sekolah. dlm kol 12 mcm tu, dia kata dia nak p sekolah pulak. dia suruh kak anum hantaq kat tmpt tunggu bas tu, dia suruh tunggu sampai dia naek bas. kak anum pun tunggu la. dah sampai sekolah dia dah lain mcm dah kwn2 dia cerita..diam ja takmau sembang apa-apa. masa rehat dia p duduk dekat padang sorg2. pastu amalina(kakak arwah, sama sekolah) p la jumpa dia kat padang tanya pasaipa dok kat padang sorg2. dia bgtau dia tak larat. pastu dia mintak nak salam ngn kak dia. dia kata, aku nak balik dah ni (sob sob !_! sebak aku dgr). kak dia pun pelik tiba-tiba nak salam ckp mcm tu. pastu kak dia bwk masuk kelas. smpi kelas dia pengsan. katanya, dia meninggai masa on the way nak p hospital tu.

Aku : (terkedu seketika) kebumi bila?

Mak : mayat smpi rumah kol 11 mlm. (lama tol post mortem). depa kebumi mlm tu jugak. abg sobri (ayah arwah) kt tgh laut nuh, talipon tak angkat. tapi time tu dia dah nak balik darat dah, tu yg dia tak angkat tu. mak p la tgk esoknya tu. amalina teriak bengkak mata. dia sedih sbb slalu dok marah adik tu sbb asyik-asyik tak larat. suruh buat tu tak larat,buat ni tak larat. rupa-rupanya dia sakit. kak anum sabaqnya la haiii...boleh dok cerita x teriak pun. mak pulak yg sedih dok dengaq cerita.

Aku : (dah sebak) dia tahan la kot..nangeh byk2 pun tak elok jgk kan.

Itu la ceritanya..takpelah, tuhan lebih sayangkan dia. Mudah-mudahan Fatimah ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yg beriman. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat. Amin..al-Fatihah !~

Utk kak anum sekeluarga..kuatkan semangat,tabahkan hati. Insya-Allah arwah aman bahagia kat sana. Dia budak baik..mungkin ada janji syurga utk dia :)

Sudah ditakdirkan kau pergi dulu
Di saat kau masih diperlukan
Tuhan lebih menyayangi dirimu
Ku pasrah di atas kehendak Yang Esa

Ya Allah
Tempatkannya di tempat yang mulia
Tempat yang diKau janjikan nikmat
Untuk hambaMu

Moga amanlah dan bahgia dikau di sana
Setangkai doa juga Fatihah terus kukirimkan
Moga di sana kau bersama para solihin

# Raut Senja Ayah Bonda #

# No title for this entry #

Haaa...dah lama tak update blog ni !~ Malas la tapi cuti aritu tetibe rasa rajin nak menulis something. So, dpt la update blog ni. Tak salah rasanya nak guna blog ni nak luahkan isi hati yg lama dok pendam sorg2. Lantak la apa org nak ckp kan. Suke baca, tak suke tak yah la baca blog ni. Ehehehe :)

Hisk, nape la dlm kepala ni tak leh nak lupa cerita yg aku dgr time cuti aritu. Annoying gile. Ni bleh ganggu study aku ni kalo ari-ari dok pk pasal tu je. Dah la sem ni final sem aku, kena score gile-gile plak tu. Tapi tu la..haih !~ Makin nk lupa makin dok ingat. Marah? Sedih? Meluat? Menyampah? Gembira? Redha? Aku tak tau nak ckp apa dah. Dah immune senarnye but it's too much lew. Jangan la ingat aku diam je selama ni, leh buat sesuke hati kan. Jgn cabar kesabaran aku la. Ayoiiyoiii (!_!) OK ! aku sedih dan marah dgn apa yg dh jadi. FULL STOP ~

Spoil mood tol la..eeeee tak suke ! tak suke ! tak suke ! BENCI... okdadiam ~

-chow chin chow-

Da-Da

# Harta? Kaya? Harta? Kaya? #

Sekadar renungan…tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup mahupun yang telah meninggal dunia.

Ada apa dengan duit ringgit, harta kekayaan? Tak boleh bawak mati pun. Tak boleh bawak masuk kubur pun. Sekadar pinjaman untuk hidup kat dunia ni je. Tak payah la nak sombong, bongkak, riak, takbur dengan apa yang kita ada tu. Orang lain lebih lagi tapi tak bangga diri pun. Buat orang menyampah + meluat je. Jangan sampai satu hari tuhan tarik balik apa yang Dia dah bagi tu. Bawak-bawak la bersyukur, berterima kasih banyak-banyak. Buat amal jariah, lakukan apa yang wajib + patut buat. Tak payah nak bangga-bangga diri takut nanti satu hari rezeki tu tuhan ambik balik sekelip mata ja. Zaman sekarang ni balasan tunai, dah tak hutang-hutang lagi.

Bila difikirkan balik baik berkawan dengan orang miskin=hidup susah daripada berkawan dengan orang kaya=hidup senang. Tapi bukan semua orang kaya tu teruk. Ada jugak yang berhati mulia, ikhlas hati dan perbuatan. Cuma kebanyakan bila dah senang sikit, mula lupa masa susah. Hmmm, duit banyak harta bertimbun pun tapi kalau hidup tak aman bahagia tak guna jugak. Biar tak banyak duit, tak ada harta tapi hidup ceria gembira. Pada aku, apa-apa pun biarlah yang bersederhana. Janji yang penting hidup penuh dengan kebahagiaan, kasih-sayang. Penting sangat-sangat.

Entry ini sekadar menganalisa keadaan semasa. Itu sahaja. Tidak lebih daripada itu. Ada mata lihat. Ada telinga dengar. Ada akal nilai dengan kebijaksanaan.

# Sweet 22nd ^_^ #

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANIS SAYANG !!!!!

Sweet 22nd !~

semoga dipanjangkan umur..dimurahkan rezeki..dikuatkan iman..

hidup aman bahagia dunia akhirat..

Ha ! nk tmbh lagi satu : semoga dipercepatkan jodoh dengan "ehem ehem" ahahahahaha =))

love u my friend...muah muah :-* hope this friendship last forever !~ insya-Allah

# True love or just pretending to love? #

p/s: Excuse me for this entry or else you can ignore if you don’t want to read it. It’s kind of emotional expression. But still, you can take it as a lesson for your life.

2008 has past and now, I think its not too late to welcome 2009..it just the beginning of february. I hope for a better life this year. I wish to end my study successfully. I want to struggle as hard as I can, strive for the excellent and always pray for ever-lasting bless from God. I pray for a good result definitely from my hard work and I’m ready for the consequences as well. It’s quite late actually but I still have time and can work out for it. Always believe in a second chance. It’s a must! Anyway for certain people, I am not wasting the ‘money’ if I’m not performed in my study. I got it in my way before. Take note of it. I’m not being arrogant or whatever but just for a reminder. Sorry for the statement.

2009 just started. I don’t know what else should I say but I’m really tired to handle all these things again and again. It’s very frustrating and I have a question, when will all these repeating situations are going to stop? Can you just sincerely love us? We are not strangers. Is it not enough for everything that have done before? Can you live this life happily ever after? There is no benefit at all if you keep acting with that feeling. Or else, you are not blessed. Being sincere is the most important thing if you want to enjoy your life, nothing to be worried. Can you just thank her for everything she has done? She’s sacrifice a lot. No offense. It’s a fact. And it’s a big sin once you break the rule, no matter for what reason. The principal is just the same, nothing can change that.

Why don’t you put yourself in the situation and think what the person or what you will feel if someone say something or do something that hurt you. Again and again. I don’t know how to explain such feeling. No words can describe it.

Oh God, help me. Give me strength to face this again. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to cry. It’s just wasting my tears, but I’m done. Huh ! I was extremely exhausted. What a wonderful holiday am I going to enjoy this time? I wish to, but I don’t think so. Even the first day I was ‘enjoying’ a very annoying story. I guess it’s over because I think everyone were just matured enough to stop such a nonsense thing to happen repeatedly, just pray a lot and work out to have a better life in another world in future. Unfortunately, it’s not. That was some kind of childish things and hmm, so sad !

I’m speechless for a moment once I heard the story and guess what; it was on my first day I’m being home, at the beginning of the year. It’s a kind of very upset feeling and kept me down for the whole day. When I keep thinking of the ‘story’, it just can’t stop my anger or even my tears. I have to be strong. It works before but I don’t have such strength anymore. It’s getting worse when I think of future. I am not dream to stand in that challenging moment but, I’m scared if the time will come. Enough for everything. Enough. I want to have a beautiful life like others. Please, give me the chance. I want that opportunity. I’m begging for that and I always pray for it.

Being rude is not my wishful list for this year. But some people might drive me to be so and for now it’s under control. My level of patience still affords it and I hope it was endless. My anger just forces me to write this. I can’t express it face to face. I hold this for a very long time ago. You don’t know my feeling. You are not in my situation. You just do whatever you want and throw the words without think of others feeling. It’s very bad. Seriously !

But never mind. Smile girl, smile ^_^ . Everything happens for a reason. Yes, I believe that. God does not test us if He knows we can’t handle that. He always shows the directions in overcoming the obstacles. And that is a sign of love from Him. He wants to see how we obey and trust Him. Thank you Allah.

So now, I just try to think positively. Be positive, be positive, be positive. Accepting stress is not such a good situation for me. I can’t control my emotion well. I’m still learning for the sake of it. People said I was sentimental. Perhaps, the environment ‘guide’ me to be a sentimental person. But what’s the problem of being sentimental. It’s not disturbing anybody right. Yes, I’m a sentimental person and I’m proud of it ^_^. It shows me the way to care about others and think of other people’s feeling before doing something or throw out the words.

Ok, I need to stop here. Don't want to talk about it anymore for the moment. I really hate it !!!

-chow chin chow-

Da-Da