Monday, February 2, 2009

# True love or just pretending to love? #

p/s: Excuse me for this entry or else you can ignore if you don’t want to read it. It’s kind of emotional expression. But still, you can take it as a lesson for your life.

2008 has past and now, I think its not too late to welcome 2009..it just the beginning of february. I hope for a better life this year. I wish to end my study successfully. I want to struggle as hard as I can, strive for the excellent and always pray for ever-lasting bless from God. I pray for a good result definitely from my hard work and I’m ready for the consequences as well. It’s quite late actually but I still have time and can work out for it. Always believe in a second chance. It’s a must! Anyway for certain people, I am not wasting the ‘money’ if I’m not performed in my study. I got it in my way before. Take note of it. I’m not being arrogant or whatever but just for a reminder. Sorry for the statement.

2009 just started. I don’t know what else should I say but I’m really tired to handle all these things again and again. It’s very frustrating and I have a question, when will all these repeating situations are going to stop? Can you just sincerely love us? We are not strangers. Is it not enough for everything that have done before? Can you live this life happily ever after? There is no benefit at all if you keep acting with that feeling. Or else, you are not blessed. Being sincere is the most important thing if you want to enjoy your life, nothing to be worried. Can you just thank her for everything she has done? She’s sacrifice a lot. No offense. It’s a fact. And it’s a big sin once you break the rule, no matter for what reason. The principal is just the same, nothing can change that.

Why don’t you put yourself in the situation and think what the person or what you will feel if someone say something or do something that hurt you. Again and again. I don’t know how to explain such feeling. No words can describe it.

Oh God, help me. Give me strength to face this again. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to cry. It’s just wasting my tears, but I’m done. Huh ! I was extremely exhausted. What a wonderful holiday am I going to enjoy this time? I wish to, but I don’t think so. Even the first day I was ‘enjoying’ a very annoying story. I guess it’s over because I think everyone were just matured enough to stop such a nonsense thing to happen repeatedly, just pray a lot and work out to have a better life in another world in future. Unfortunately, it’s not. That was some kind of childish things and hmm, so sad !

I’m speechless for a moment once I heard the story and guess what; it was on my first day I’m being home, at the beginning of the year. It’s a kind of very upset feeling and kept me down for the whole day. When I keep thinking of the ‘story’, it just can’t stop my anger or even my tears. I have to be strong. It works before but I don’t have such strength anymore. It’s getting worse when I think of future. I am not dream to stand in that challenging moment but, I’m scared if the time will come. Enough for everything. Enough. I want to have a beautiful life like others. Please, give me the chance. I want that opportunity. I’m begging for that and I always pray for it.

Being rude is not my wishful list for this year. But some people might drive me to be so and for now it’s under control. My level of patience still affords it and I hope it was endless. My anger just forces me to write this. I can’t express it face to face. I hold this for a very long time ago. You don’t know my feeling. You are not in my situation. You just do whatever you want and throw the words without think of others feeling. It’s very bad. Seriously !

But never mind. Smile girl, smile ^_^ . Everything happens for a reason. Yes, I believe that. God does not test us if He knows we can’t handle that. He always shows the directions in overcoming the obstacles. And that is a sign of love from Him. He wants to see how we obey and trust Him. Thank you Allah.

So now, I just try to think positively. Be positive, be positive, be positive. Accepting stress is not such a good situation for me. I can’t control my emotion well. I’m still learning for the sake of it. People said I was sentimental. Perhaps, the environment ‘guide’ me to be a sentimental person. But what’s the problem of being sentimental. It’s not disturbing anybody right. Yes, I’m a sentimental person and I’m proud of it ^_^. It shows me the way to care about others and think of other people’s feeling before doing something or throw out the words.
Ok, I need to stop here. Don't want to talk about it anymore for the moment. I really hate it !!!
-chow chin chow-
Da-Da

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